Quite Honestly…
April 4, 2010 by mrsgojigirl
Filed under Nourishment
Blog posts are a funny one for me. I usually have to just get a burst of inspiration from some life experience, and then I’m able to write about it. I get a lot of requests to write about all sorts of things, but if I’m not interested, then it just doesn’t appeal to me.
One subject I’ve gotten a few times is about Natural Birth Control. Well, you know what? I have no interest in this subject. It’s never been an issue for me, so I have a hard time even relating to people who deal with it. Sure at certain points in my life I’ve tried not to get pregnant with certain partners, but back in those days the latex rubber was the only option I chose.
To be quite honest, I actually more often try to get pregnant than I try not to. I guess maybe, I’ve just always known I am made to be a momma. So far though, it has not come easy.
This subject is one that has challenged and baffled me for months. Every time I write about anything, I felt like I was lying because I’ve always conveniently left it out.
Never thought that a girl in her early twenties would have trouble getting pregnant, did ya? Me neither… For most women my age, it’s the opposite problem. How do I not get pregnant.
Hence the issue with the question – What to use for Natural Birth Control. Well, ya know what? Not getting pregnant might be easier than you think, if you’re anything like me. For months I’ve been wanting to say, Ladies, it’s not that hard, just be mindful of which day it is. Well, apparently that might only be true for me. As I’ve known 11+ women in the last year to “accidentally” get pregnant. Some of them kept the pregnancy, some lost it involuntarily, and some got rid of it.
One of my greatest challenges, has been relating to women who “get rid” of their pregnancy. I completely understand the importance of raising a child/bringing in a child into a family that is functional, loving, and supportive. I’ve always been a supporter of Pro-Choice. You choose what the outcome is. But what about all of those women who don’t get to choose? What about those women who are forced into having sex, get pregnant, and because of their beliefs they have to keep the pregnancy? Or what about those parents who are 16 years old and are obviously not “ready” to raise a child. Those are reasons why I am pro-choice.
And, that being said. What about those women who choose to keep their pregnancy? But their body says otherwise. This is what’s happened to me. On more than one occasion. How is that fair? Some days I feel like despising all of the millions of people out there who have awful diets, they never take care of their bodies, but somehow their bodies produce a baby? Today happens to be one of those days. Maybe I’m taking this too far.
Maybe someone reading this can relate all too closely. Well, I’m sorry, but this is what I want to write about. What about all of the happy moms and happy pregnant women who blast their news all over facebook and have no idea that their personal happiness is actually hurting someone. Yes, bringing a baby into this life is the most precious miracle that I truly believe there is. Which makes me wonder why some people find it necessary to post pictures and write about their every day progress, how nauseous they are, how cute their belly is, or how cute their little schnookums are. Which, don’t get me wrong, I love hearing about little schnookums, but every now and then I feel a bit bitter about it.
Last week I had the amazing experience of holding and snuggling a friend’s baby and rocking him until he passed out on my shoulder. That feeling was indescribable. Afterwards, I couldn’t figure out which was more intense, the feeling of how good that felt when he fell asleep on me, or the feeling of how sad I was that I don’t have that.
Another issue I have is the complete abuse of the Pro-Choice option. I’ve known numerous women who use abortions as a birth control. To me, this is completely sick and disturbing. They take an abortion as no big deal, and get 10+ throughout their lifetime. I’m sure you’ll agree that this is a complete misuse of this practice. I’ve also known women who take the chances to get pregnant, and then they overload their bodies with herbs and make themselves sick. This is also an abusive option, although probably not quite as bad as a medical abortion.
Perhaps some of my frequent readers, maybe you will now understand my deep passion for understanding hormones and balancing the hormones in the female body. This was already a passion of mine when I realized some of my health issues, long before I attempted conceiving.
Having quite an adventurous pregnancy last year gave me the opportunity to get a number of blood tests, and get reacquainted with the professional medical field after a really long break. One thing that I was excited to find out was that I had super healthy iron levels right off the bat. This is coming from someone who was quite anemic through most of growing up. I attribute these levels to my switch from a lifetime vegetarian diet to incorporating animals foods into my diet. One thing that was apparent however, was my lack of hormone levels. Estrogen levels were fine, but my progesterone was way below normal for what stage I was at. This I knew beforehand might be the case, but it’s always interesting to see numbers on paper.
Another observation I had about the professional medical field, was that I had absolutely no interest in taking anything they recommended, but they were very handy when I just needed answers (numbers and levels). They were recommending things like IVs (tap water and iodized salt), birth control pills (what?!?!?), etc.
My body held onto the fetus for 10.5 weeks, even though it had stopped growing at 6 weeks. When my body was done and I knew it, I experienced the most intense pain of my entire life. This pain beat out broken bones, car accidents, bike accidents, everything. At this point, most women choose to get a D & C. Which is a process where they go inside you and scrape out anything that’s left. Starting to get sick of anything “medical” sounding, I opted to go the natural route and let my body process everything on it’s on. This went on for about a week. Then the bleeding and process stopped for about 5-6 days. I thought my body was done, but little did I know, there was more to come.
The bleeding came on again and this time it was so heavy that I soaked anything around me within 20 minutes. I could wear a pad for 20 minutes, but I better be on the lookout for somewhere to go and change soon. We’re talking the kind of pads that are so huge and thick, that you can’t imagine anyone ever needing anything like it. I guess I’m getting maybe a little too graphic now, but the point is, I lost a ton of blood really fast. This went on for a few days, and the day where I could no longer stand up on my own, something had to be done. I would stand up and not be able to walk across a room without being completely out of breath and/or losing my vision entirely. Most people would have done something sooner I suppose, but what can I say? I’m a bit stubborn. I called and asked my midwife what to do. She made a friend who was taking care of me, promise that he would take me to the hospital asap, and to not let me make any of the decisions. She thought I was at the point of not being completely coherent, and she was probably right. Well, so then off we went. Basically at the hospital it was a lot of waiting around, and getting some answers.
We found out that I had nothing left inside of me, but my blood pressure and iron levels were extremely low. The iron was just almost at the point of being quite dangerous. My low blood pressure explained why I had trouble breathing just from standing up or walking across a room, as well as blacking out when standing up. They offered to put me on an IV and to give me birth control pills to help with the bleeding. I said no to both.
That night I went home and drank an entire bottle of Floradix (plant based iron supplement). This is an amazing product. It really made a difference with the iron. I did that for 4 days following, as well as took a ton of Vitamin C and Shepurd’s Purse. I was getting stronger, but I had a migraine that lasted for almost 2 weeks. I did lots of bone broth which I also craved like crazy, and also a pretty darn good amount of spirulina.
It took about a month for my blood pressure and iron to return to normal. During that whole time, it would take me twice as long to climb stairs, because I’d have to stop and rest before climbing 1 flight in one go. Taking walks or anything that resembled exercise were totally out of the question.
Well enough about that story. I’m sure I’m leaving out quite a few parts from the whole experience, but you catch the drift. I’m not really sure of the point behind this post. All I know is that I’ve been wanting to write about it for months now. Part of me wanted to keep it a secret until I knew I could get pregnant again or get pregnant and be able to hold it, because then I would know I’m home and writing this would feel safe. But, sharing my side also feels like a huge amazing release that’s been waiting for months. Today has just been one of those days where it’s a tad bit harder to pull out of the depression than other days. Most days now, I’m completely fine 90% of the time. For a month or two there though, it was looking grim.
I just have to keep assuring myself that I’m not broken, and it will all happen in the perfect timing. My body needs time to recover, heal, and repair itself from who knows how many years of abuse.
This information is not intended to offend anyone or get anyone upset, and if it has, I apologize. It’s really just intended to let people know that Hey – This kind of stuff happens to real people! There is so much that goes on “un-talked about”, and most people are just left feeling in the dark about their issues. I say to heck with that. People need help and they need answers. So whatever it takes, I’m here to give it to them. Next post – I’m writing about the Fertility Diet. I’ve just finished reading the book Real Food, The Fertility Diet, Eating for Two, and Baby’s First Foods by Nina Planck. Totally awesome read, get it if you can. If not, check back here for the next post, I’ll be explaining a lot of what I learned.
One last little note. I truly have the best husband on the planet. Whatever I did to deserve this man, I am so grateful. We have the craziest ups and downs every day and manage to crawl into bed every night smiling and excited to snuggle. It’s pretty freaking great.
Any notes you feel like leaving are appreciated. I am not calling out for help or reaching for attention, just simply sharing. I encourage you to do the same. Who knows what will come in the future, for now I am just a baby-less obsessed momma waiting for her time to come.
Blessings…
I feel you, hear you, love you x
thanks for sharing this. stories and truths like these- are always the ones that really move, help, affect-really resonate with people. way to be brave & share…<3
Wow… The exact same thing happened to me… except it lasted 8 months and they were terrified to give me a DNC… we should chat. I had/have major ptsd amongst other things. I know all too well what you are feeling. I had no idea, and haven’t told many others either. Love you. It gets better babe… and you WILL have a baby… it will happen… <3
Too much goes unspoken. Thank you for putting it all out there, for listening to yourself, and for listening to others. There’s a lot in this blog to unpack. I’d love to hear more as you do that over time. xo
Gojigirl….My heart full of love goes out to you. I cannot begin to say I know how you feel because I dont. I hear your pain though.
Time…time takes care of so much and when its right it is right. It will be ok….it will…love to you….Bette
You are a courageous woman Camille… I love you. XO
thank you so much for sharing your story.
I had two miscarriages before my daughter came. The first time I was careless and I asked spirit to take care of it for me. It sorted it out pretty much straight away and it was very traumatic. The second time was with my now husband. It happened early in the pregnancy and we were both very sad. My husband and I had made an agreement that if it happens, it happens we just decided to really let spirit sort it out. I still hoped but at the time that I got pregnant we in the early stages of planning an overseas trip so we decided to of course for go it.
What I feel opened the gate for me in all this we were three things. Firstly, I had decided to just let god/spirit decide. This is an incredibly hard thing to do I don’t mention it lightly. Secondly, I was studying energetic healing at the time and I had a past-life experience to a previous time where I had lost a baby child. I wasn’t looking for it just happened spontaneously.
Thirdly one of my classes was an art healing subject. We were required to do a daily diary and I ended up just drawing every night for a month. Every night before I went to bed, I would just draw what ever came. I wouldn’t look at what I had drawn. And at the end of the month I handed in my assignment.
When my teacher returned it a few months later she had written a little card inside. Something about being pregnant or a new birth of something. And when I looked through I had drawn this embryo and lots of things. Was it my subconscious thoughts and feelings, was it my daughter saying, “Mum, here I come”, probably all this and more. I really found this probably so very helpful. She is a very stubborn and determined little girl but one heck of an intelligent and beautiful one and I think that she came to this planet on her own time and her own terms. I also had a difficult birth and again on her terms too but that’s another story. I guess what I am saying is I can’t imagine how hard it is but I think you are on a big step to healing just by writing this post. I don’t want to say too much because you need to be in your own power and have your own realisations. Only that if you can do whatever you can to relax and just be, be with your hubby and just focus on creating something, anything, I feel this will help you a great deal. Good on you for sharing this, you are very, very brave and you are already so amazing. Remember you have support, you are not alone and be kind to yourself.
Wonderful post. I too thought I could not have a baby due to life long hormonal challenges (amenorrhea, pms, anemia) I did get pregnant without addressing any of the hormonal issues I was having at the time and was extremely sick for most of my pregnancy. I even ended up in the emergency room due to dehydration from so much vomiting. Luckily my baby boy was born healthy and beautiful. Looking back at myself and my behavior/emotions after his birth I realize that I suffered some postpartum depression. I do believe it prevented me from enjoying a bit of his time as a baby and I feel sad about that. On the flip side it encouraged me to explore alternative ways to treat the depression and address the hormone issue. I have come a long way and have learned a lot. I have the most incredible, soulful, sweet child who has taught me about love, health and happiness. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are blessed to be figuring this stuff out on the front end of the pregnancy. I have no doubt that you will figure it out and this will make your pregnancy, birth and motherhood experience all the better and hopefully you can share your story with people like me and help other women get healthy before bringing another life into this world so that they can be a shining example to their children.
Thank you for sharing =)..Lots of Patagonia love
Hi Camille, I have been reading your blog for a while and this post touched a chord somewhere so I had to comment.
I truly feel for you. Haven’t been in similar situation but do understand where you are coming from. I guess you truly need to wait for that time – for the stars to align the right way so that you can welcome that special spirit into your life. Just hang in there, trust in the universe for I truly believe that you and Franky will be the best parents and it’s just about time before it all happens for you guys. Hugs to you both!
Lika
PS. On another note, I love your honesty and your openness to experiment with things outside of the raw food realm – truly love you for that!
Holding you in syster circle of love, light, fertility and joy.
And then celebrating that your precious body has been the vehicle for several souls to feel into form, for just a short duration of time, before speeding on their way to new dimensions.
I KNOW at a level of feeling this is no consolation to your mama heart! – and I dont mean to be flippant to your pain, but these souls who come for a short time choose only the warrioress in whom to sojourn. Soon you will draw towards you a being who chooses to stay earth side and share their love and journey with you. (( goji ))
Wow Camille … quite something being a woman in this world!
Thanks, and my respect and love.
Camille, I can relate. No woman should take for granted the awesome privilege it is to conceive or raise a child. Heartfelt messages like these remind us all to have compassion for others, their choices, situations and to be grateful for our loved ones. The future is bright!
Cathi
You are very courageous to share your story. I was never open or honest about the emotional struggle I went through trying to get pregnant for 5 years. I wanted to do it own my own and fix myself, but I finally found a specialist and was able to get pregnant. I just wanted you to know there are others who understand what you are going through. Also, do not feel bad about seeking help from a medical specialist. I am not fond of the conventional medical establishment, but sometimes they can help! Good luck to you and I hope you will be receiving a special blessing soon.
Camille!
This is great, Thank You!
This kind of story is far more prevalent than is talked about, and I appreciate you opening the discussion!
It is time that we, as a community, begin to address these things. It is for us, but also for our future.
Thank you for being brave enough to step out and share! Thank you for daring to be a leader, a voice, and a force of change!
So excited for the coming season sister!
~D
Thanks for sharing!!
I totally hear you..!! I’m on a similar page…
Love & blessings xC*
I wonder what the effects of vegeterianism/raw veganism is on fertility and hormones, Maybe it has to do with the lack of animal fats or soy.I am not going to risk being a vegan anymore.
Anyway, I think people are unaware of how infertile we all are now, so many 20 somethings have to go to fertility clinics and when they do have children they are autistic or something of the like.By the time the next generation try to have children it will be very apparent. It’s not just in the everyday world, I wish raw veganism would end already because its doing so much damage to the children in my opinion.
I applaud you for getting the message out there, its refreshing to read a blog about real issues, you are going to help allot of people because you are certainly not alone.
I doubt that you will have any problems now that you are eating what is necessary to have a healthy child. (unlike most raw vegans)
Hey thanks for sharing and thank you for the empowering pro-choice message!
I am really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I have had an abortion and although I am pro-choice it was still one of the most difficult decisions and experiences of my life.
I was just reading in Lierre Keith’s book about how soy disrupts hormones and causes infertility even with small amounts and the effects can last for up to three months after it is consumed. I think this may have a lot to do with ex-vegans/ex-vegetarians’ fertility problems. Check out pages 211-216 of her book.
Hi Camille, thanks so much for sharing your heart. It is open talks like this that allow for so much transformation. I feel you and send my love and blessings.
Peace & Bless, Dodee
Thanks Angie! Feel yah sister, thank you for the support
Thanks Lisa! More to come in the future, definitely decided honesty is the only way to go.
Thanks for your support Bette, it is felt!
Love you too Gabs, thank you!
Wow, thank you so much for sharing Arlene. It truly means so much. I feel that sharing our experiences with others, people will start to feel much less alone as I have felt for so long. Thank you!
Thanks Thim! It is felt!!
Thanks Andrea, thank you for sharing. I know my day will come, for now my body just needs to heal. I am looking forward to enjoying each and every moment of the journey – the fun ones and especially the challenging ones. You are felt!
Thanks Lika! Your kind words and support mean so much, infinite gratitude!
Blessings and gratitude Ruth! Thank you
Thanks Cathi. And thanks to you, I am able to share my message and experiences with the world! Hope to see you this weekend!
I can totally relate to wanting to do it all on your own. That has been so hard to release. It’s been such a secret between me, my husband, and few close friends, until now and I just needed to get it out there. I feel that part of this releasing will help me further my journey. Thanks for your support.
Thanks D! I am so grateful for you along my journey. You have opened doors for me in the perfect timing many times!
Thanks Chrissy
It’s a page that goes so unspoken, and it’s time to fill it all in…
Wow, thank you Mary! I completely agree with you, and it is a scary thing… I am not yet healed, I am still in recovery – recovering from a lifelong vegetarian and vegan lifestyle abuse. Now my job is to just keep getting the message out there.
Just started her book this week, it got to everyone else around me first and finally it’s my turn. Just skipped ahead to read those pages, and it’s truly sickening. I know my parents were just doing what they thought was best at any time, so I have to love them for that. But it seems the soy overload diet growing up really took a toll on me that I wasn’t even completely aware of. Whew! Thanks for the love!
Thank you Dodee! Blessings and gratitude…
Thank Gogi,
for sharing your story. I had a pretty traumatic miscarriage four years ago, then struggled to get pregnant for more than a year. I think a lot had to do with my situation at the time and how much my mind affected my body. I was trying too hard. I ate healthy but it just wasn’t the right time or the right person, looking back. After a summer of doing a raw food diet, some major life changes, and finding happiness inside myself, I got pregnant without even trying. Gogi, it’ll happen in the right time, I promise! You will be an amazing mother I’m sure. The best advice I can give you is to try not to “try” or think too hard.(I know it’s easier said than done) The power of our minds and how it affects our bodies, is huge!
This strikes a chord with me as well, I’ve been almost a lifelong vegetarian, vegan mostly for 5 years (not @ the moment), and I wonder how it’s affected my own fertility. I can only wonder however having been single woman for most of my life. I turned 40 this year and my desire to be a Mother is growing stronger all the time. Hmmm, so complicated are my own feelings about this issue, it’s so many issues really, womanhood, motherhood, nourishment. Thank you for sharing your story, I raise my glass of Red Clover infusion toward you
((hugs))
My Darling Daughter
Yes, we were just doing what seemed right at the time. As the world grows and becomes conscious so do we as individuals. I thank all who have come before us and all, including you, and all who have answered and offered their experiences so that we all may learn and heal!
Change always comes with blessings and gifs, I know you know this.
I love you.
Love your Mama
Oh my! I need to change my picture!
Hi Camille!
Thank you for sharing from your heart… As you know I’ve put my story out there…and I’ve been reminded time and time again that it is when we speak and write about the true depth of our experiences that we gather light and connect with those who might also be feeling alone.
Thank you for sharing what feels like the dark and shadow part of yourself… These experiences are our teachers… As painful as they are, I am with you with much love and respect.
Looking forward to seeing you again,
Love you
Cat xox
So beautiful! Thank you for sharing in such an unfiltered way. I have so much love and respect for you.
Disa
I had a miscarriage before I later got pregnant with my son, and it is difficult to describe the feelings. I applaud your openness in sharing your story.
you are so brave and open. there is much light coming your way, I miscarried too and one year later got pregnant with my daughter
you will be alright
Thank you for sharing your story. I lost a baby in the first trimester a few years ago and it was extremely traumatic. I can definitely empathize with what you’ve been through. I got to meet my daughter before she moved on, I was lying on the floor bleeding and there she was, beautiful and perfect and talking to me. I still don’t know whether that helped or made it hurt more. She was so real and she was mine and I knew I was loosing her. I still haven’t gotten over the loss (nor have I told many people), but a year or so later another little girl entered my life. I didn’t bring her into the world (she’s my partners daughter), but I couldn’t love her anymore if I had. In the end I truly believe that all things work out for the best; that doesn’t mean they can’t be excruciatingly painful, but there is always a reason.
In love and healing
Mary..I have 3 kids being mostly raw and vege..I do have goats milk and cheese..no problem and I am sure Jinjin with her 5 kids had no problem and she is raw…overly superfooding out was and has never been natural..long live blueberries and not overstimulates of Cocao and the like…eat in their natural state and in the right porpotions and your body will be fine..look at plant signatures they show how much of a food to eat..not overly done in a powder..we have to acknowledge this or it yet will be just another spin..everyone goes one one end of the spectrum to the next…balance in whatever you choose to eat
thank You for being brave and sharing Your story, Camille… Your honesty and openness is beautiful… I can not yet relate to these issues, as far as I have not yet tried to become a mother… I also have seen many around me ‘accidentally’ get pregnant, while I thanked my lucky stars for this not happening to me… since there was not a loving family ready at the time… this post will help so many in countless ways… You will be the best mother ever
…
Camille,
Reading your story touched me. I admit it took some effort to just stay present to your story and not reflect on my own, since I could relate in so many ways. I spent my 30’s trying to stay pregnant and half of my 40’s healing and grieving. There were a few years in my late 40’s when I wondered if I would have one of those later life ‘miracle’ babies. Ah well, post-50 I am firmly grounded in where the years have brought me. So I celebrate your journey and send you blessings. I believe your story will touch many and perhaps open a few hearts. You’ve opened mine to shed a few tears – but thankfully I discover there are just a few as I remember my own journey. What a lovely discovery!
Bless and joy!
Lisa,
Most people are fine with a raw or vegan diet , however I have personally seen lots of horror stories as most of my friends are vegans or raw. Its the children I worry about being infertile later on .
Some of the children seem to get second generation deficiencies which aren’t addressed, and it can cause problems that aren’t apparent until later on.
Some of the children just have failure to thrive.
I think that its very difficult to do raw or vegan correctly and its not worth experimenting with a child.
We want our children to be strong and happy, they need special foods for proper neurological and bone etc development whilst they are growing, as they wont have the reserves to draw from that the parent has.
Though obviously, raw vegans are just doing the best they can, can’t fault them for that, I was one too.
Much love.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!
I have 3 beautiful children who are truly my gift in this life! You too, will have your babies!
I “get” how hurtful it can be when other folks are so wrapped up in their own worlds and feel the need to Facebook document EVERYTHING!!!! That has always made me wonder….
Hang in there with the knowledge that you can balance both Eastern and Western modalities of medicine! This is coming from a Momma, an almost nurse and a lover of all things holistic! You really can do both..you just have to open your heart and heal!