Quite Honestly…

Blog posts are a funny one for me. I usually have to just get a burst of  inspiration from some life experience, and then I’m able to write about it. I  get a lot of requests to write about all sorts of things, but if I’m not interested, then it just doesn’t appeal to me.

One subject I’ve gotten a few times is about Natural Birth Control. Well, you  know what? I have no interest in this subject. It’s never been an issue for me,  so I have a hard time even relating to people who deal with it. Sure at certain  points in my life I’ve tried not to get pregnant with certain partners, but back in those days the latex rubber was the only option I chose.

To be quite honest, I actually more often try to get pregnant than I try not to. I guess maybe, I’ve just always known I am made to be a momma. So far though, it has not come easy.

This subject is one that has challenged and baffled me for months. Every time I write about anything, I felt like I was lying because I’ve always conveniently left it out.

Never thought that a girl in her early twenties would have trouble getting pregnant, did ya? Me neither… For most women my age, it’s the opposite problem. How do I not get pregnant.

Hence the issue with the question – What to use for Natural Birth Control. Well, ya know what? Not getting pregnant might be easier than you think, if you’re anything like me. For months I’ve been wanting to say, Ladies, it’s not that hard, just be mindful of which day it is. Well, apparently that might only be true for me. As I’ve known 11+ women in the last year to “accidentally” get pregnant. Some of them kept the pregnancy, some lost it involuntarily, and some got rid of it.

One of my greatest challenges, has been relating to women who “get rid” of their pregnancy. I completely understand the importance of raising a child/bringing in a child into a family that is functional, loving, and supportive. I’ve always been a supporter of Pro-Choice. You choose what the outcome is. But what about all of those women who don’t get to choose? What about those women who are forced into having sex, get pregnant, and because of their beliefs they have to keep the pregnancy? Or what about those parents who are 16 years old and are obviously not “ready” to raise a child. Those are reasons why I am pro-choice.

And, that being said. What about those women who choose to keep their pregnancy? But their body says otherwise. This is what’s happened to me. On more than one occasion. How is that fair? Some days I feel like despising all of the millions of people out there who have awful diets, they never take care of their bodies, but somehow their bodies produce a baby? Today happens to be one of those days. Maybe I’m taking this too far.

Maybe someone reading this can relate all too closely. Well, I’m sorry, but this is what I want to write about. What about all of the happy moms and happy pregnant women who blast their news all over facebook and have no idea that their personal happiness is actually hurting someone. Yes, bringing a baby into this life is the most precious miracle that I truly believe there is. Which makes me wonder why some people find it necessary to post pictures and write about their every day progress, how nauseous they are, how cute their  belly is, or how cute their little schnookums are. Which, don’t get me wrong, I love hearing about little schnookums, but every now and then I feel a bit bitter about it.

Last week I had the amazing experience of holding and snuggling a friend’s baby and rocking him until he passed out on my shoulder. That feeling was indescribable. Afterwards, I couldn’t figure out which was more intense, the feeling of how good that felt when he fell asleep on me, or the feeling of how sad I was that I don’t have that.

Another issue I have is the complete abuse of the Pro-Choice option. I’ve known numerous women who use abortions as a birth control. To me, this is completely sick and disturbing. They take an abortion as no big deal, and get 10+ throughout their lifetime. I’m sure you’ll agree that this is a complete misuse of this practice. I’ve also known women who take the chances to get pregnant, and then they overload their bodies with herbs and make themselves sick. This is also an abusive option, although probably not quite as bad as a medical abortion.

Perhaps some of my frequent readers, maybe you will now understand my deep passion for understanding hormones and balancing the hormones in the female body. This was already a passion of mine when I realized some of my health issues, long before I attempted conceiving.

Having quite an adventurous pregnancy last year gave me the opportunity to get a number of blood tests, and get reacquainted with the professional medical field after a really long break. One thing that I was excited to find out was that I had super healthy iron levels right off the bat. This is coming from someone who was quite anemic through most of growing up. I attribute these levels to my switch from a lifetime vegetarian diet to incorporating animals foods into my diet. One thing that was apparent however, was my lack of hormone levels. Estrogen levels were fine, but my progesterone was way below normal for what stage I was at. This I knew beforehand might be the case, but it’s always interesting to see numbers on paper.

Another observation I had about the professional medical field, was that I had absolutely no interest in taking anything they recommended, but they were very handy when I just needed answers (numbers and levels). They were recommending things like IVs (tap water and iodized salt), birth control pills (what?!?!?), etc.

My body held onto the fetus for 10.5 weeks, even though it had stopped growing at 6 weeks. When my body was done and I knew it, I experienced the most intense pain of my entire life. This pain beat out broken bones, car accidents, bike accidents, everything. At this point, most women choose to get a D & C. Which is a process where they go inside you and scrape out anything that’s left. Starting to get sick of anything “medical” sounding, I opted to go the natural route and let my body process everything on it’s on. This went on for about a week. Then the bleeding and process stopped for about 5-6 days. I thought my body was done, but little did I know, there was more to come.

The bleeding came on again and this time it was so heavy that I soaked anything around me within 20 minutes. I could wear a pad for 20 minutes, but I better be on the lookout for somewhere to go and change soon. We’re talking the kind of pads that are so huge and thick, that you can’t imagine anyone ever needing anything like it. I guess I’m getting maybe a little too graphic now, but the point is, I lost a ton of blood really fast. This went on for a few days, and the day where I could no longer stand up on my own, something had to be done. I would stand up and not be able to walk across a room without being completely out of breath and/or losing my vision entirely. Most people would have done something sooner I suppose, but what can I say? I’m a bit stubborn. I called and asked my midwife what to do. She made a friend who was taking care of me, promise that he would take me to the hospital asap, and to not let me make any of the decisions. She thought I was at the point of not being completely coherent, and she was probably right. Well, so then off we went. Basically at the hospital it was a lot of waiting around, and getting some answers.

We found out that I had nothing left inside of me, but my blood pressure and iron levels were extremely low. The iron was just almost at the point of being quite dangerous. My low blood pressure explained why I had trouble breathing just from standing up or walking across a room, as well as blacking out when standing up. They offered to put me on an IV and to give me birth control pills to help with the bleeding. I said no to both.

That night I went home and drank an entire bottle of Floradix (plant based iron supplement). This is an amazing product. It  really made a difference with the iron. I did that for 4 days following, as well as took a ton of Vitamin C and Shepurd’s Purse. I was getting stronger, but I had a migraine that lasted for almost 2 weeks. I did lots of bone broth which I also craved like crazy, and also a pretty darn good amount of spirulina.

It took about a month for my blood pressure and iron to return to normal. During that whole time, it would take me twice as long to climb stairs, because I’d have to stop and rest before climbing 1 flight in one go. Taking walks or anything that resembled exercise were totally out of the question.

Well enough about that story. I’m sure I’m leaving out quite a few parts from the whole experience, but you catch the drift. I’m not really sure of the point behind this post. All I know is that I’ve been wanting to write about it for months now. Part of me wanted to keep it a secret until I knew I could get pregnant again or get pregnant and be able to hold it, because then I would know I’m home and writing this would feel safe. But, sharing my side also feels like a huge amazing release that’s been waiting for months. Today has just been one of those days where it’s a tad bit harder to pull out of the depression than other days. Most days now, I’m completely fine 90% of the time. For a month or two there though, it was looking grim.

I just have to keep assuring myself that I’m not broken, and it will all happen in the perfect timing. My body needs time to recover, heal, and repair itself from who knows how many years of abuse.

This information is not intended to offend anyone or get anyone upset, and if it has, I apologize. It’s really just intended to let people know that Hey – This kind of stuff happens to real people! There is so much that goes on “un-talked about”, and most people are just left feeling in the dark about their issues. I say to heck with that. People need help and they need answers. So whatever it takes, I’m here to give it to them. Next post – I’m writing about the Fertility Diet. I’ve just finished reading the book Real Food, The Fertility Diet, Eating for Two, and Baby’s First Foods by Nina Planck. Totally awesome read, get it if you can. If not, check back here for the next post, I’ll be explaining a lot of what I learned.

One last little note. I truly have the best husband on the planet. Whatever I did to deserve this man, I am so grateful. We have the craziest ups and downs every day and manage to crawl into bed every night smiling and excited to snuggle. It’s pretty freaking great.

Any notes you feel like leaving are appreciated. I am not calling out for help or reaching for attention, just simply sharing. I encourage you to do the same. Who knows what will come in the future, for now I am just a baby-less obsessed momma waiting for her time to come.

Blessings…